Ooooom

Saturn Rising...maybe,
worst couple days in a minute...fa sho.

And fo real I can’t even tell you why I didn’t cry, didn’t tell nobody I felt more locked down when I got out.
Just cause you ain't in prison, don't mean you free
See the moon she was bright & her silence deafening
and sometimes too well I know you got to lean to your own understanding, my pride been with me ever,
so much so that sometime it gotta be pried from me
but I needed to know my worth, the value in these hands & that gotta be balanced by a perspective outside me.

Struggled with a love, hard to watch one heap shame and pain so high on oneself, guess I knew it was there before.

27 seem like lifetimes, like I been here too long.

I longed so hard for warmth and the ocean,
a whisper in my ear, a song sung in earnest an offering for my smile, strong arms around me, a hilltop & a clear view, I shook.

and cous came through "too decent" smelled warm with liquor & hugged tight and wouldn’t let go til I laughed. She showed such concern I was surprised, the other worked through some stuff when I was ready, I saw a good friend I so missed, and I belly laughed an afternoon away.

The weight is gone feelin good
and fo real I am lonely
and I know what is
and I won’t try to make work what don’t
I can see gray a bit, don’t all have to be so black or white
got some time, no rush
dunno if/when I’ll get it
but I know what I want

I am in my grandmother’s arms, skinned knee
there is happiness, there is peace, there’s pain
and...it....is...sweet